Top 45 Funny Christmas Sayings and Quotes

Modified: June 24, 2023, Published: December 12, 2015

Get ready to deck the halls with laughter and embrace the merry spirit of the holiday season! Christmas is not only a time for spreading joy and love but also an opportunity to share a good dose of humor. If you’re looking to add a touch of hilarity to your Christmas celebrations, we’ve compiled a collection of the top 45 funny Christmas sayings and quotes.

These lighthearted and witty expressions will have you chuckling and bring a smile to your face. So, let’s dive into the laughter-filled world of Christmas humor and enjoy these funny quotes that capture the festive merriment in a delightful and amusing way!

Why did Santa go to music school? Because he wanted to improve his wrapping skills!

Christmas calories don’t count, right? Otherwise, we’d all be on the naughty list!

Dear Santa, I’ve been good all year… well, most of the time… okay, once in a while… oh, forget it. I’ll buy my own presents!

Remember, Santa only visits people who stay awake all night, so it’s perfectly fine to be sleep-deprived on Christmas morning!

Christmas shopping tip: Wrap empty boxes and put them under the tree. When your loved ones misbehave, throw one in the fireplace!

I’m not saying I’m Santa, but have you ever seen the two of us in the same room? Exactly!

Christmas is a magical time when everyone hopes to get what they deserve… and a little more!

Who needs snow when you have the Christmas spirit… and a good sense of humor!

The best part of the holidays? Pretending to like fruitcake while secretly using it as a doorstop!

Christmas decorations are like old friends – you may not see them all year, but when you do, it’s like they never left!

Christmas shopping is my cardio… and my stress relief… and my excuse for buying things for myself!

I’m dreaming of a tropical Christmas vacation… and a full refund on all the presents my family won’t like!

Dear Santa, please define ‘naughty’ because I’m having a hard time keeping up with the ever-changing rules!

Christmas tip: If someone gives you socks as a gift, just take the hint and step up your fashion game!

May your eggnog be spiked, your mistletoe be strategically placed, and your Christmas playlist be on point!

Christmas shopping: because finding the perfect gift for someone you barely know is a true test of your detective skills!

The best way to spread Christmas magic is to stick a bow on your head and pretend to be a present!

Remember, Santa is watching, so you might as well be naughty… and enjoy every minute of it!

Christmas is the time of year when my bank account goes from ‘Ho, Ho, Ho!’ to ‘No, No, No!’

If someone offers you fruitcake this Christmas, politely decline and run. It’s a trap!

Santa, please bring me some willpower this year. It’s hard to resist all the holiday treats!

The only time of year when it’s acceptable to bribe someone with cookies for their love and affection.

Christmas is the season to be jolly, but let’s not forget the season to be excessively indulgent too!

I’m dreaming of a silent night without any relatives snoring on the couch.

Forget about the mistletoe, I’ll be standing under the dessert table all night!

Christmas is like a snowflake – it melts away too quickly, and you’re left wondering where it all went.

The best present you can give someone this Christmas is your presence… and a gift card as backup.

I believe in the magic of Christmas… mainly because it’s the only time of year I can eat cookies for breakfast.

Christmas is the time when everyone gets Santamental and starts singing off-key.

Wishing you a Christmas filled with joy, laughter, and the ability to find the end of the tape when wrapping presents.

The elves told me they’re going on strike this year, so expect some ‘handmade with love’ gifts from me!

May your Christmas be merry and your credit card statement be less scary!

Santa Claus has the right idea – visit people once a year and eat their cookies.

This Christmas, let’s eat, drink, and be merry… for tomorrow, we diet!

Christmas shopping: because buying yourself presents and pretending they’re from others is an acceptable self-care strategy.

Dear Santa, I’ve been good all year… except for those moments when I was extraordinarily mischievous.

The best Christmas gift is the one you can return without a gift receipt.

Christmas is a time when you get homesick, even when you’re home.

Christmas calories don’t count… until January.

Christmas is the perfect time to give gifts to your loved ones and conveniently borrow them later.

All I want for Christmas is for my family to stop taking embarrassing photos of me.

Dear Santa, please bring me a big bank account and a slim waistline. And please, don’t mix them up like you did last year.

I hope you like my new Christmas cake recipe. They are called shut the hellupcakes; it’s Christmas.

Shhh… I just farted on Christmas.

Christmas has been cancelled. Unfortunately, you told Santa that you’ve been good. He died laughing.

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The best Christmas is the one that wraps all the family to one another.

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I couldn’t afford a present for this year’s Christmas, so I wrapped myself for you.

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Santa saw your Face-book Page. Now you are on the naughty list and won’t get anything.

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Christmas is love in action; act on it now.

Dear Santa, in 2015, all I asked for was a fat bank account and a slim body.

Laughter is the best medicine for this holiday, but if you laugh for no reason, then you need some medicine.

Let’s be naughty and save Santa the trip.

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, the following day, you gave it away.

Christmas is not an external event; it’s an event born from your heart.

If a fat man puts you in a bag, don’t worry, I requested Santa to have you for Christmas.

One thing women doesn’t like to find on Christmas morning in their stockings is their husbands.

Christmas is just like any other day in the office; I always find the big man to take all the credit away in the evening.

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Every minute of Christmas day is essential. It is one day at a time.

Christmas is not about just opening presents. It’s also about opening our hearts.

The reason why Santa is so happy this Christmas, it’s because he recognizes where all the loving ladies live.

The best thing about Christmas is that it’s compulsory and we all can’t speak.

Christmas is the time you get homesick, even when you are at your house.

One stunning mess ever created; it’s the mess created on Christmas day at the table. Never clear it.

Christmas is the time to kindle the blaze of generosity and the heat of charity.

Presents of kindness and love are the best gifts for a truly merry.

On Christmas day, every road leads me home.

It’s the Christmas in your heart that puts Christmas on the table.

Instead of having unusual behaviour, this day is probably the special day on the calendar.

When I was a kid, I was pleased with those who fit our legs with stockings on holiday, but now we are ungrateful because our legs filled the stockings.


I wonder if we could put a jar of the Santa oneness and open it every month when we feel like it.

From an entrepreneurial point of view, it is advisable to invent Christmas if it does not exist.


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I sometimes think that we insanely anticipate a lot from Christmas. It’s just a burden to the day itself.


Christmas is the time you purchase a year old gift with New Year’s cash.

If Christmas wishes were chocolates and biscuits, it would be an unforgettable celebration for Christmas.

I saw how safely you stored the fireworks last holiday; you will snarl them this Christmas.


There is no other big mistake other than to wake on Christmas and pretend not to be a kid.

Keep your Christmas heart open all year round.

I never loved this Santa Claus thing because I knew that no white guy would come to my home from the darkness.

Though grown up now, I significantly get it hard to sleep on Christmas Eve.

Which Christmas is most important to me? It’s next Christmas.

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It hits you its Christmas when all kids start wearing new similar clothing.

I don’t want much this Christmas; I just want the person reading this to be loved.


May your fun be large in this 2015 Christmas holiday and your bills be small.

Let my love for you become the Christmas star; when you doubt, let my feelings be the Christmas lights.

I hope you get the best gift of all, hope, peace and love.

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Unforgettable is the moment that engages the world in the conspiracy of love.

I miss the Christmas wave of joy. It’s deeper than the ocean tide and comes only once a year.

Keeping Christmas is good, but sharing it with others, it’s even better.

Love makes all things beautiful. Does the Christmas love coat you?

You are special and unique, is your second name Christmas.

Your smile is contagious, please pass it to us, and we all have a Christmas.

Peace on earth will come to stay when we live Christmas every day.


Santa, will you come and join the merry? You won’t regret our feast.

Give some to the ones with less, and we will all become Santa’s someday.

Every time we love, every time we give, it’s Christmas, my friend.

The only blind person on Christmas day is the only one who doesn’t share the love of the day with the other.

Christmas is the only day that holds the 364 days together.

All other days live to see the Christmas day love and envy by saying, “when I grow up, I wanna be a Christmas day.”

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Funny Christmas card sayings

Sending Christmas cards is a fun way to spread joy and laughter during the holiday season. If you’re looking to add a humorous touch to your Christmas cards, we’ve got you covered! Get ready to bring a smile to your loved ones’ faces with these funny Christmas card sayings.

From witty one-liners to clever puns, these lighthearted messages will surely brighten up anyone’s day. So grab your pen, get ready to write, and let the laughter begin!

Christmas is like snowflakes – it’s beautiful until it starts to melt and makes everything soggy.

Christmas sweaters are proof that fashion can be both festive and atrocious at the same time.

This Christmas, let’s remember that laughter is the best present you can give… followed closely by gift cards.

The best way to spread Christmas cheer is to sing loud for all to hear… or just bring a tray of cookies to the office.

Christmas decorating tip: If all else fails, throw glitter on it and call it festive.

Don’t get your tinsel in a tangle. It’s Christmas, not a national emergency.

Christmas is the season when everyone wants to know if you’ve been naughty or nice… and I say, define ‘nice’!

I put so much thought into buying the perfect Christmas gifts that I deserve an award for outstanding shopper dedication.

Remember, the best way to spread Christmas cheer is by regifting all those presents you don’t want.

Christmas is the time of year when my bank account goes from ‘Ho, Ho, Ho!’ to ‘No, No, No!’

If someone offers you fruitcake this Christmas, politely decline and run. It’s a trap!

Santa, please bring me some willpower this year. It’s hard to resist all the holiday treats!

The only time of year when it’s acceptable to bribe someone with cookies for their love and affection.

My favorite Christmas tradition is pretending to be shocked when I unwrap a gift I already knew I was getting.

Christmas: the one time of year when people of all religions come together to complain about the crowded malls.

May your Christmas be filled with joy, laughter, and strategically placed mistletoe.

The best thing about Christmas is that it gives us an excuse to binge-watch Hallmark movies guilt-free.

Who needs reindeer when you have a credit card and an online shopping addiction?

Christmas rule: If you can’t pronounce it, don’t eat it.

Christmas is the season to be jolly… and by jolly, I mean eat cookies until your pants don’t fit.

The only thing getting lit this Christmas is the fireplace.

Christmas is a time for remembering the joy of our childhood and pretending to like fruitcake.

May your Christmas be merry and your family be functional… or at least tolerable.

One of the advantages of not having children is never experiencing the dread on Christmas Eve when you realize all the packaging on the gifts you have bought for your children say Assembly required

I love Christmas because you can make anyone you have wronged forget about the past with a present.


Christmas is great. Not only do I get a lot of gifts, but I also want to keep them. I also get plenty of gifts I can exchange. It saves me never having to buy anyone a present!

So Santa hides behind a large beard and has no income, but he can afford to give away billions of presents and flies to every city across the world every year. Are we sure Santa isn’t money laundering?

Christmas is here again. Let’s raise a cup of cheer. And make the men do the washing up.

It’s the time of year to buy this season’s gifts with next year’s money. It’s Christmas!

Pets, and their owners, like to expand over the Christmas vacation.

I left out gluten-free milk and cookies for Santa this year. They were still there when I woke up.

Christmas is the season where people seem to lose their sense of taste. Mature adults decide it’s best to celebrate by drinking a beverage made from cottage cheese and raw egg and call it nice.

What I don’t like about work Christmas parties is the possibility I might have to look for a job the next day after I have suitably embarrassed myself.

Mentally: I am read for Christmas. Financially? I’ll never be ready.

Have you all forgotten the true meaning of Christmas? The birth of Santa!