Oh Valentines day, a day filled with love all around.
Where flowers had never bloomed more beautifully that before, grasses are greener, air is crisp and fresh, sweet smiles are everywhere and money is never spared as love drunk couples spend luxuriously for each other.
Move away from that plain old mushy quotes from the traditional past of how Valentines is celebrated and level up the fun with these pack of funny jokes made for you.
Anyway not all people are in love so it is just but right to share the joy of love by giving smiles to those who have no dates today.
Valentines day is a very special day indeed it is the only day where there is a double celebration! where couples celebrate and singles mourn.
I have 364 days in a year in my personal calendar, and it is not leap year or so, it is because I do not count Valentines as a day.
I will be your garbage man, when your boyfriend dumps you, I will be the one to pick you up.
You are faster than today, because I haven’t started my day yet and you completed it already.
I think my watch is destroyed or something, because when I am with you time seems to stop.
Love is a disease, where the minds are irrational but will still give one reasons
Valentines Day is a day where couples demand each other love that they have not made each other feel for the last 364 days
Keep Calm and buy her what she wants.
Maybe Valentines day was taught about by a woman! It is a scheme of women to get what they want!
Why is the weather so cold on Valentines day, this is so unfair for single people like me!
Good to be single on Valentines day, than run out of stash
I love you more than Pizza, said no one ever
Oh, Valentines day?! Maybe next year.
Is it ever possible that a couple will break up on the exact Valentines day?
Anyone can be couples but it takes a leap of effort to be partners
The battle between men and women rests for Valentines.
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Have a great day and enjoy in your life!
Every Valentines day, it takes harder to the understand a woman
If she is in her period, good luck to you on Valentines.
I went to the doctor today, and he said that I have a terrible disease, and better go I C U
They said, whenever we are together, I look like a farmer. I got mad and asked why?! They said it is because you look like a cow.
I hope my crush is an assignment, so that I can take her home
My girlfriend surprised me with her being tied up in our bedroom last Valentines day? She told me I can do anything I want, so I went out to the club to party. It was her best gift ever!
If you ever feel sad on Valentines day, do not worry, it is the same as your other days.
It is only one day where couples celebrate which is Valentines day, the rest of the year is for singles to keep!
I am wishing that Valentines day will become a day for leap year. So we will only celebrate it once in four years.
Valentines is a perfect day to sleep all day!
Men plan more on Valentines day than that of their finals examination in school
I really need to have a love life this Valentines day, It has been a long time since I had a problem.
Are you a surgeon? Because you are the only one who can open my heart.
Is there a possibility that a person celebrates Valentines day with different person every year? Because if he does then that is one hell of a celebration!
I bought myself some flowers and chocolate today, so that my friends won’t bum me out about not having one!
Do you need a bucket? Because your beauty is overflowing.
When I was a little kid, I always would have high standard for the man that I will date, Now, I have to make sure that his truly a man first!
Are you fed up with the noise already? Because my heart kept shouting your name since awhile ago.
I wish that you are the rain and I am the ground. No matter how much you may hurt me, you will always fall to me.
Can I seat with you during exams because I am perfect with you by my side!
Love should be tagged as an illegal drug! Please!
Are you running for senator? Because my parents votes for you as my girlfriend.
Love is like tuna, it is good for the heart.
Are you my master because you have enslaved my heart
Your love is like traffic, I cannot move on!
Are you a lending company? Because the longer I do not pay the higher is my interest with you
Are you some kind of a pit?! Because I am falling for you
Do you own Crayola? Because you are the only one who gives color to my world
Valentines day! Spare me! I beg of youuuu! What wrong did I ever do to you!!
My professor told me to follow my dreams, so I became a stalker
My girlfriend and I are separated already, She asked me that she’d wanted to be wed, I did not allow her.
If you want to be a philosopher, do not get married
You are like a personalized t-shirt, the moment I saw you, I knew you were made for me.
The heart knows everything and nothing at the same time.
Love is like vitamins! It makes my life complete!
I think I am pretty bad at shooting, because I am always missing you
Love is like yoyo, no matter how you push it. It keeps coming back.
Are you an alarm clock? Because you woke up my sleeping heart
A perfect love affair is a fictional book scattered in a sea of shelves.
Are you Google? Because everything that I am asking for, I have found in you.
I really hate Cupid and his murderous plans of long time torture concealed in the name of Love
Are triangles your favorite shape? Because you are beautiful in all angles
Love is a curse and a blessing all at once
If I had put on weight, would you still be my Valentine?
If you love him, let go, if he comes back, he did not have a fare
I have no Valentines date! Anyway it’s okay, food is love, food is life.
Love is an insanity cured through an illusion that it is perfect
I do not know when the universe will end, what I know is that it started with U N I
Money can’t buy love, FALSE! Money just bought my girlfriend a diamond ring!
How do you know when you’re in love? When even the rock’s existence on the ground makes sense to you.
Valentines is like an extended Christmas day exclusively for women!
Love is the same feeling when the waiter finally arrives to your table to give you your food.
You are like a password, I cannot forget about you
Oops! Love is in the air! Now where did I put my pest spray.
About 50% of marriages end in divorce, and over 98% of pizza deliveries comes on time, Pizza gains over love by one point!
I have tasted all the sweets in the world but nothing is sweeter than your smile.
People loves dating, I will just sleep this Valentines Day for me to get the girl of my dreams surely!
Love is being willing to die for someone that you yourself want to kill.
How come your hands are so small, yet you hold my very world and life
Are you darkness? Because I cannot seem to see anything when I am with you.
Love is missing some of your teeth, but still having the courage to smile because you know that someone will still accept you for it . . .or maybe not.
If you are ready to admit the things that you have not done, that is the time that you are ready to get married.
Is it Valentines day tomorrow? I have to set my alarm to 9:00 in the evening then
Remembering Valentine’s Day is a friendly reminder to those who are single and lonely, that no soecial someone loves them in a romantic way. Way to go Valentines!
If I were a planet, I want you to be my axis, so that my world will only revolve around you.
Are you a thief? Because I will give you everything, just so you won’t hurt me.
I do not even understand why they have chosen cupid as a character for Valentines! Being struck by an arrow by a little fat kid is not even romantic!
Why is there an intense force of pressure for us single individuals when Valentines is coming! Geez!
New money saving advice! Break with her on February 13th and get back on the 15th!
If you celebrate Christmas because they believe in God, Why do you celebrate Valentines if no one likes you?
Are you a television show? Because you are too fun to watch and stare at
I am really sorry I forgot your name, may I call you mine?
Is it Valentines day today? No! it is Sunday you fool!
I never cared about Valentines, I am single, fabulous and I am loving it!
Do you have a date this Valentines day?! Why yes! We have, it is February 14!
If they say that they are falling in love, believe me darling gravity has nothing to do with that
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Beer would sound sweeter than spending valentines with you
Posting on Facebook your complaints about Valentines, is the reason you are alone on Valentines day
Women nowadays are not satisfied with flowers and sweet candies on Valentines day, they want the hard stuff! DIAMONDS!
Happy Valentines day funny quotes
I’d ask if you wanted to be my valentine this year, but you have no choice. Because we’re married!
Today is Valentine’s day. Or as we men like to call it Extortion Day
You will never be alone on Valentine’s day if you visit a lake and take bread.
You’re my favorite pain in the ass. Happy Valentine’s day!
You are my favorite thing to do. Happy Valentine’s day!
If you’re alone on Valentine’s day, don’t think about breaking someone’s heart. Think about breaking their bones. They have over two hundred of them.
Valentine’s day – the day of the year that men remember how bad a shot Cupid is with his bow.
You know he loves you when he’s lost interest in his car for more than a few days.
I wanted to have a really special Valentine’s day. So I tied my partner up and had fun for three hours. I had control of the remote for the TV and got to watch whatever I wanted!
My husband is like a fire. He goes out when left unattended.
Love is an amazing thing. It makes you believe without question someone that you would normally regard as suspicious.
Being married is great. I have found the one person I want to be able to annoy for the rest of my life. My wife! Especially by forgetting Valentine’s Day.
This year on Valentine’s Day. I am planning to enjoy a long romantic walk. To and from the fridge.
We should celebrate not having to celebrate Valentine’s day.
I can’t wait for the day after Valentine’s Day. Discounted chocolate everywhere!
I am not in a relationship this Valentine’s Day because I haven’t found someone who can handle all of my awesomeness.
Roses are red, violets are blue. Valentine’s day sucks and so do you.